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Sister Wives 3: The Regeneration

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I'm so excited, I've accepted a new job which is similar to an old job I had which was my favourite job ever. Not only that but they want to promote me in 12 months which will involve relocating to Devon (by the sea) and having a company car 🤓 I really hope this works out 🤞

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Thank you. I don't have a great track record starting new jobs, but this is basically the same job for basically the same company using literally the same software, so I'm hoping I'll be able to hit the ground running.

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That is a difficult question... I were traveling with my students Monday-Thursday, by bus, and not further away than a couple hours, but still more change of scene than we’ve had lately, and it was just amazing. And part of me feel so guilty for enjoying it. Especially since I recognized that I was away from home for several days without worrying about MM for the first time ever. And it felt so good to not worry. But I feel so bad for feeling good. And I do miss him, and would gladly worry every second for the rest of my life if I could have him back, but I know I can’t, and I don’t miss worrying. But I miss him, and now and then stuff happens and I almost cry. But I haven’t really broken down yet, and some times I wonder if I’ve just moved on, and that makes me feel like a terrible person. At the same time I worry if I will have a big breakdown, possibly in a couple weeks when my holiday start, and I don’t know how I would eventually deal with that. I don’t know how I’m supposed to grieve, people ask if I’m okey, and I feel like I make them worry if I say no, but I’m a cold and bad person if I say yes, and then I end up giving long explanations like this. So I guess I’m kinda doing okey?

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I think it sounds normal to be confused by your emotions. He was a big part of your life and it must be hard trying to figure out how you feel without him. You're definitely allowed to have fun without feeling guilty and Mick Mac would've wanted you to I'm sure ❤️

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I felt bad about how quickly I went from caring for two sick dogs (awake at 3am, awake at 6am, permanently on edge and worried about who was home to look after them when I was working, clearing vomit off the floor, cleaning the garden, organising medications, dealing with family who didn't pull their weight, nearly had a nervous breakdown from all of the above) to sleeping in and not missing all the shit. I felt so guilty for being grateful for not worrying. I promise you're not a terrible person. When someone's been ill, it's a relief for everyone when the burden of care is lifted. Enjoy your time! You might find it hits you at a random time. Grief is weird. It's not a straight line, it's a squiggle.

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Thanks guys!
For the first time since I began working I don’t look forward to my summer holiday. My life has basically been Mick Mac and work since covid, and now it’s just work. But I guess it will be good with a holiday, just have to figure out some stuff to do. 

I had the last lesson with my seniors today, and they are the best! They had bought me flowers, and made me a necklace that said my students are smarter than yours, and a bracelet with all their and mine initials and another bracelet that said everyone’s favorite. I love them so much! Being a teacher is absolutely amazing, just saying. 

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