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Sister Wives 3: The Regeneration


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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm so excited, I've accepted a new job which is similar to an old job I had which was my favourite job ever. Not only that but they want to promote me in 12 months which will involve relocating to Devon (by the sea) and having a company car 🤓 I really hope this works out 🤞

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That is a difficult question... I were traveling with my students Monday-Thursday, by bus, and not further away than a couple hours, but still more change of scene than we’ve had lately, and it was just amazing. And part of me feel so guilty for enjoying it. Especially since I recognized that I was away from home for several days without worrying about MM for the first time ever. And it felt so good to not worry. But I feel so bad for feeling good. And I do miss him, and would gladly worry every second for the rest of my life if I could have him back, but I know I can’t, and I don’t miss worrying. But I miss him, and now and then stuff happens and I almost cry. But I haven’t really broken down yet, and some times I wonder if I’ve just moved on, and that makes me feel like a terrible person. At the same time I worry if I will have a big breakdown, possibly in a couple weeks when my holiday start, and I don’t know how I would eventually deal with that. I don’t know how I’m supposed to grieve, people ask if I’m okey, and I feel like I make them worry if I say no, but I’m a cold and bad person if I say yes, and then I end up giving long explanations like this. So I guess I’m kinda doing okey?

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I felt bad about how quickly I went from caring for two sick dogs (awake at 3am, awake at 6am, permanently on edge and worried about who was home to look after them when I was working, clearing vomit off the floor, cleaning the garden, organising medications, dealing with family who didn't pull their weight, nearly had a nervous breakdown from all of the above) to sleeping in and not missing all the shit. I felt so guilty for being grateful for not worrying. I promise you're not a terrible person. When someone's been ill, it's a relief for everyone when the burden of care is lifted. Enjoy your time! You might find it hits you at a random time. Grief is weird. It's not a straight line, it's a squiggle.

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Thanks guys!
For the first time since I began working I don’t look forward to my summer holiday. My life has basically been Mick Mac and work since covid, and now it’s just work. But I guess it will be good with a holiday, just have to figure out some stuff to do. 

I had the last lesson with my seniors today, and they are the best! They had bought me flowers, and made me a necklace that said my students are smarter than yours, and a bracelet with all their and mine initials and another bracelet that said everyone’s favorite. I love them so much! Being a teacher is absolutely amazing, just saying. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I didn't get the next round of release. One more try on Tuesday! Come on @ Lorde's management, you knew you'd sell out and had extra dates PLANNED

Mmm I hear you. Nothing is normal. I've felt really out-of-balance lately (okay, for probably years, let's blame Covid). I'm hoping that it will get a bit easier the more things ease up? The more 'normal' we get?

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Good luck then! Hope you get it. 

It’s weird how stressed normal things make me. I went out for dinner with some friends from the stable yesterday, and we were sitting close together around the table. That was the first time I had to tell myself to calm down. Then they were all tasting one of the girls drink, through the same straw! I was offered a taste, but there were no way I could do that after 4 others!! Like, when did we just forget restrictions completely?? But then later in the evening, me and one off the others, who I’ve spent quite some time with lately tasted each other’s limonade. But it felt somehow different, cause I know her quite well, and know that she doesn’t really hang out with a lot of people, and we’re already quite close. 
Anyway, that was a long story to say, yes, I think normal will feel weird at first, and then we will get back to it. Especially because we all have friends who go rather quickly back to normal (if they ever left it in the first place…)

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Everyone has a different ideal of what normal is or was, and some people haven't really learned about viruses/bacteria and how it's important to still be... clean? I don't mind tasting a drink of someone I know or live with, but I wouldn't with someone I didn't. That said, if it's an alcoholic drink the booze might have killed all the germs...

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Did this page change layout for everyone, or is that just me? I think this is how it looked like once upon a time, but I can’t find my way around here anymore. Is something happening? Every time something like this happens, I’m afraid it will disappear. 

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Etsy's layout has changed for me as well. It's also more... rounded? Like literally things that were square, now have rounded edges. I got a notification that Microsoft Edge is updating, so maybe sites are updating their formats for more modern browsers? When I first was on this site I used Internet Explorer. It started glitching and someone said 'try Chrome,' and it worked!

RIP Internet Explorer

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  • 2 weeks later...

I remember the years when I only used internet through a computer. Times have definitely changed, not sure if it’s always for the better. 

I went for a hike today. Technically I’m still on said hike. Almost home, but there’s a pretty steep hill I have to almost climb at the end, and I had to sit down and breathe/reflect over my life choices before I walk the last minutes to my door. Anyway, I checked the weather, cause I wondered how hot it actually is, cause I’m close to melting. It said 30,  it feels like 35! Celsius off course. Now wonder I’m melting!!

Oh, also, since reflecting over my life choices includes thinking about whether to give up my whole life and move to the other side off the country to be close to my brother and his kids. Any takes on that? 

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Okay DID YOU SURVIVE YOUR HIKE

Hmmm. That's a big move 'for' someone who isn't you or a spouse or your own child. If you think you need A Change, and being nearer to family is a perk of that, then it's worth considering. But if you're having a wobble because you think it might 'fix' things that you're currently dissatisfied with, then maybe other things need to change instead? Also, it's worth thinking about your relationship with your family. I've heard of people who move closer to a relative, and then the relative expects that person to babysit or do their shopping or suchlike. Or they move closer and the relationship suffers. I dunno. There are so many things to consider! Write a list of pros and cons?

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I survived! But it’s still insanely hot over here. I mostly keep inside, and then feel guilty for wasting the good weather. Cause that’s what you’re brought up to do in Norway! If the weather is good, you go outside. 

I guess it’s just that my whole life was just turned upside down anyway, so I want to take an active choice about how I’m gonna live the rest of my life, and not just settle for whatever comes my way. I don’t necessarily have to change anything, but if I decide to let things stay the way they are, it’s because that’s what I choose. If that makes sense. 
The thing is, I would love to see my niece and nephew at a regular basis. Currently they live an 8 hour drive away, so I can never just come by to say hello. So I do think living close would make the relation easier in that way, cause I wouldn’t have to sleep in one of the kids room, and I could babysit for a couple of hours every now and then, and come watch their games and school things and whatnot. And I’ve always had this in the back of my head, that it would be great to live closer, but Mick Mac would’ve hated to live over there with the weather. And I couldn’t possibly do that to him. But now I don’t have to think about him, and also I’m alone. And that’s another push, cause even though I have friends I still feel alone. And I’m 31, and starting to wonder if I’ll stay alone for the rest of my life. And if that is the case, and the only kind of next generation there will be is my niece and nephew, then I do want to have a close relation to them. So yes, basically this is about me not wanting to live a lonely life when I get older. 
On the other side I do love my job, and I do have a lot of friends over here, and also my parents of course. And the weather over here is way better! 

I’m not making any hasty decisions either way. I’m just considering if I, in the spring, should keep my eyes open for an opening at the one school I would consider working at over there. I don’t take lightly on change and big decisions, so nothing will happen if I’m not sure, but it’s always good to get input. 

Sorry for the very long post, but it helps to sort out my thoughts. 

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