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Sister Wives 3: The Regeneration

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right now i'm anguishing over having to go to work tomorrow

i'm stuck between wanting to leave this place in the dust, and wanting to stay because i don't want to go home and i like the perks.

even though disney is sucking out all the happiness and goodness inside of me and leaving me a hateful shell.

i'm also kind of a mess because boys are confusing and i just want him to text me and it's awful. i hate being this way.

he left on wednesday to go back home for a few days, but i don't know when he'll be back, and i haven't heard from him since he left, and the thought of having to endure work + no contact is just awful.

it's understandable, since we're not actually in a relationship, and this is the first time he's been home in almost a year. but. it's just hard. because he's the only halfway decent thing in my otherwise bleak life right now. i like my roommates a lot, but i never get to see them because of our hours :(

i don't know what to do with myself

anyway

how is everyone else

(sorry i just had to rant a bit)

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right now i'm anguishing over having to go to work tomorrow

i'm stuck between wanting to leave this place in the dust, and wanting to stay because i don't want to go home and i like the perks.

even though disney is sucking out all the happiness and goodness inside of me and leaving me a hateful shell.

i'm also kind of a mess because boys are confusing and i just want him to text me and it's awful. i hate being this way.

he left on wednesday to go back home for a few days, but i don't know when he'll be back, and i haven't heard from him since he left, and the thought of having to endure work + no contact is just awful.

it's understandable, since we're not actually in a relationship, and this is the first time he's been home in almost a year. but. it's just hard. because he's the only halfway decent thing in my otherwise bleak life right now.

i don't know what to do with myself

anyway

how is everyone else

(sorry i just had to rant a bit)

Well, even the best jobs can (and will) suck (at the very least from time to time). I had a job where, for most of the day, I literally just got to sit around, watch tv, drink beer, and hang out with my friends, yet there was still stuff I hated about it (I was a bike mechanic and we weren't terribly busy, but I got real sick of fixing the same stuff all the time, constantly banging my hands up, and sexist dudes coming in and first assuming I didn't work there, then assuming I was just a sales girl, then questioning whether I was really a mechanic, and the real assholes would ask if my boss/head mechanic was there, to which I'd have to explain that I was the boss and that they could now gtfo). Anyways, it just comes down to weighing the pros and cons. If it's really affecting your happiness, maybe the perks aren't worth it. I don't know the details, but is it something that will put you in a better position for what you want to do later on? Or is this just a temporary way to make money / do something? I'd write down all the benefits + factor in how important it is for your future and then determine if that's really worth all the unhappiness it's causing you.

As far as boys go, I know it's easier said than done, but you can't worry about whether he'll text you or what he's thinking. Clearly I don't know the situation, but if you haven't officially decided you're dating / haven't stated that you're exclusive and put labels on the relationship, I'd try as hard as you could to occupy yourself with other stuff, have fun, and keep your mind off of it. Assuming there's something going on between you two, if he doesn't say he wants to be your boyfriend, then he's fucking up. He should be the one worrying about what you're up to. Just be happy on your own, go out with friends, have fun, and let whatever happen happen (i.e. don't worry about what the relationship is or is not and just let it unfold organically). Again, I know it's way easier said than done (believe me, I could barely take my own advice), but anytime I worried over what a guy was thinking, what he wanted, what he thought our relationship was, or whether he really liked me, it never ended up working out. Sure we may have done that kind of confusing back and forth for a while, but it'd eventually end. Guys play games because they don't know what they want, and until they figure it out, they're not worth getting hurt over. Anyways, if he does really want to put a label on the relationship, and he sees that you can be happy doing your own thing (i.e. aren't staying up wondering about him), he'll step up to move things forward. Most likely though, he's just busy with fam stuff / caught up in home life, I wouldn't read into it. So just distract yourself in the meantime and don't let it get to you. Again, I don't know the specifics, so it's hard to say for sure, and I'm guessing it could be a more complicated situation.

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it's housekeeping. literally nothing to do with my major or future plans. it's incredibly hard work. most of the people don't speak english. i hate everything about it. i'm doing the disney college program- i applied hoping to get photopass- but they put me in housekeeping because they're assholes. they don't really transfer people unless it's for medical reasons, so i'm kind of stuck until the end of my program (which is in may.) i could stick it out but i really don't want to. and leaving early would look super bad, especially since disney is a company i'd like to work for maybe someday (not in the hospitality business, though.)

our situation is: we met at work (he works here full-time, and is going to transfer into guest relations sometime soon.) we're in mutual like and have hung out a fair amount, but i guess he got out of a long relationship not that long ago, and doesn't want to be in one right now. i can understand that, especially since the current plan is that i'll be leaving in a few months anyway. so right now we're just kind of "hanging out." and like, i'm okay with it, but i hate the uncertainty of everything. and since i don't have a lot of other things going on right now, my mind is just constantly in overdrive. i know that i should distract myself with fun things (both to distract myself from him and my awful job) but... everything sucks. idk. right now i'm just sad. and i know he is probably/definitely busy with family and everything, but i was hoping for at least one "yay i'm home!" or something text. *sigh*

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Dia, I'm imagining such beautiful scenes of that venue combined with you and your dress and all of the artsy elements I imagine will accompany your wedding! Please promise that you'll share a few pictures of how everything turns out, it's going to be spectacular.

And hi, Charlie! It's been a while.

Also, Rachel, I agree. Boys are quite confusing and I wish I could offer some poignant advice but, sadly, I am clueless on the subject.

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we need to cordinate plans fool

is next week better for you?

come to my house, I have a a pool

and video games

and we can watch new girl and suff.

or go to the mall

and be all

why are we single?????

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I'm still really bad at women's fashion. Need one of my girl friends nearby to come on a shopping spree with me

I wish I was available to join you! It stinks living so far away as an rmy <_<

Damn I'm never in here anymore! How's everyone been?

I saw the wedding dress talk and couldn't resist joining in. I bought my dress last August (my wedding is November 1st). Definitely going with sort of a dark/macabre theme, but really I've just been going with stuff I like. Here's my dress though! This was the first dress I tried on, and I instantly knew it was the one (I'm pretty particular and this was everything I was going for / wanted). I always knew I wanted a black wedding dress, and Vera Wang has always been my favorite gown designer, so it was so perfect that her Fall '12 collection was black and nude!

Oh and this is our venue. I wanted an old gothic catholic church vibe/look, but without all the rules/requirements that go with getting married in an actual catholic church.

I love both your venue and your dress!! I know we have only known each other through facebook and the rmy, but I have to say, the dress feels so you and seems to fit your personality perfectly. It's so beautiful and quirky at the same time. I just can imagine you wearing it and bet it looks gorgeous on you. Like Ash, I hope we can see pictures when the big day arrives! :)

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@radar- I don't know why I bother with them honestly

Damn feelings!!

@laine- are you free thursday? That's the best day for me this week, since I have a class wed evening. But I don't have a car...

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@radar- I don't know why I bother with them honestly

Damn feelings!!

@laine- are you free thursday? That's the best day for me this week, since I have a class wed evening. But I don't have a car...

depends on what happens with my mom.

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this lady

she goes into the torture room.

she's been beaten, sexually assaulted, emtionally and mentally abused, forced to kiss severed heads

and she just casually decides to go into the room where the dismember people

WHAT.

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And Yesyes that's the venue w/the awesome lighting. It was literally my dream venue / I seriously thought it was totally out of my range and never going to happen (Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick were married there and it's Lady Gaga's favorite venue for her private parties). The lighting possibilities are endless and can totally change the look feel. The blue/purple setups make it feel like Cinderella's castle, while the green makes me think of the Great Hall in Harry Potter ha. I think we're going with an orangeish red scheme for at last part of it (you can change the colors as often as you want throughout the night, so you can do different stuff for the ceremony and reception, and also change up the lighting for certain dances etc.).

Dry shampoo, styling powder, and sea salt sprays all help with that. I had the same problem until I found the right products. I've tried a lot of these products and definitely have recommendations on which ones work best.

Disclaimer: All of these products are drying, so if you use them regularly you may want to up your conditioning.

Thank you for your tips Dia and OMG THAT VENUE!!!! It's so perfect! :D Leaves me totally speechles! Now I know my dream venue for my wedding. :D Words can't describe how much I love it! <3

I have used dry shampoo (I only have cheap one because I brought it just after first day at my job and it was emergency :D) and styling powder, but I have never tried sea salt sprays. See if I can find that one that you're using from here. :)

And omg I need to write this somewhere before I forgot it! I saw the p e r f e c t dream last night! We were having some amazing race kind of competition with my classmates at school. At some point of the competition there was Oliver sykes (I love bring me the horizon) and he wanted to join the competition and compete with me. We stopped to eat something (I ate, he didn't) and he tried to hurry me up. Then I kind of snapped or something, started to feel so bad and we hugged for nearly 5 minutes (it felt so good <3), I started crying for some reason and we hugged more. Then we continued and reached the finish line but didn't win. :D It was so happy dream I didn't want to wake up at all. :D

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Well me and my boyfriend were talking about what's going to happen to us when I go of to school in another province. He's terrified of being hurt again (he's been through so much shit). I've been pretty optimistic about it.

But then there's this nagging in my brain that worries that I'll let him fade or I'll be unfaithful and I'm not like that at all but that's what my mind keeps saying to me.

I told him that. And he says if I'm gonna be wishy washy or unsure about it, he doesn't want to take te chance.

Why am I thinking like this? Am I really just unsure of him or is it just that negative voice in my head trying to sabotage the good thing I have in my life. I really don't want to break up with him. But I'm afraid he won't want to chance it :(

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Oh Nevvie, that's alot! I'm sorry I didn't see this before. If you think he is one of the best parts of your life, I think you should follow you gut and stay with it. People come into our lives for many reasons and they stay or leave for many more. I don't know if you've reached the point yet where it's time to make that decision or if you feel compelled to do so. What do you think hon?

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Aw nev :( I can see why he would be angry, but i really hope he trusts you enough to know that you wouldn't be unfaithful to him. However, I think the fear that he'll fade from your life is real- people our age change so much so quickly, especially when you go off to a new place. But I don't think that's a reason to break up, especially not now, awhile before you even leave. It's just something that may or may not be a possiblity, depending on you and him. It's a possibity that separating for a bit could even strengthen your relationship. You should tell him that your just being realistic about what might happen, but that you're sure of the relationship and want to chance long distance, if he is. But I can see how it would be scary for him if he's been hurt before. He should trust you, though :)

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Nev, i am so sorry about this situation you're in. I know well from experience how that nagging, sabotaging voice can impact your life. Dont feel like you made a mistake by voicing these feelings, dont blame yourself for having them, and dont think that that voice is telling the truth. You alone can decide your actions, so even if every nasty doubt in your head is telling you you'll fail, you still have the power to prevail. We all believe in you. If you want to stay with this boy, if you don't want to do those things you think you will, then hon, you won't! To quote an amazing song, "never let your fear decide your fate". I think you should explain to him that you have no desire or intentions to do any of that, that you were just trying to explain and voice the uncertainty you feel daily, more towards yourself than him.

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I totally agree with Rachel and radar! You shouldn't break up with him now. You should at least try long distance relationship, maybe it works for you two great, even though it's hard. You never know!

I hope i could help you in this but this is the best I can do. Unfortunately you need to make the decision yourself as hard as it is. :(

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Thank you so much! All of you. I was worried that there was something wrong with me to think that way. It absolutely killed me to tell him what I did but I had to get it out there. I want to stay with him, a lot. He's amazing. I'm just scared that the doubt makes me wishy washy which is exactly what he doesn't want....

And I know I have to control to make it happen how I want. I'm in charge of me. It's just weird that I seem to have more trust in him than in myself. But I can't possibly do anything to hurt him because I'm really all he has. He doesn't trust me now, but I still have 6/7 months to really figure it all out.

I just don't want this to be a conflict in our relationship. We have so much going for us and I don't want my wanting an education to mess it up.

But thanks! It was awesome to hear your opinions ^_^

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