Sending my love to you all! It is hard to sum up the past six years since MCR broke up. Lia and I were together at another concert the night MCR broke up. We sobbed and held each other. We made a promise that when the boys returned we would be there... And by some miracle, we were able to buy tickets at original pricing in the sale. So our dream is actually going to happen and I will report back to you all with photos and updates.
I was a new professional in the field back in 2013 and was still finding my way. Now I am a social worker in an inpatient hospital with many opportunities for growth, including research. I have worked in Community Mental Health services and settings that provide skilled nursing, long term care, short term rehab, hospice, and inpatient cardiac telemetry. In 2013, I started a relationship with hopes of a life together, but this bond eventually proved to be abusive, toxic, and full of gas lighting, manipulation, and control. I took me four years to wake up to this reality and I finally broke it off in end of 2017.
The next two years have been a time of healing, meditation, and finding peace within myself. There was a period of time where I was quite sick in 2016 to 2018. Life became alot of doctors appointments and medications. I still live with chronic illness and have a daily medical to do list that lasts for one double sided page. It's alot to keep suspended in my mind let alone in action. But I have found a way to make it work. To capture the joy in chronic illness and disability, which is often not seen until you're on the other side of it. Disability Rights has always been a passion of mine due to being a sibling of someone with autism, chronic illness, neurological disorder, and disabilities. In the past three years, I have chosen to be on committees and commissions trying to improve the life of people with disabilities in my work and my community. My disabilities truly have been a gift and showed me who really cared about me for who I am. It strengthened my relationships with family/friends and also helped me understand who fell away when I no longer chased them. My MCRmy bestie Lia cared for me in a way I could have never expected. She was my rock. She sought me out when I went silent and would remind me of who I am and what I am capable of when I started to lose perspective in the illness, exhaustion, and fatigue. She was there through the hard times and it is all because of MCR that we even found each other in this large world. I will live with these diseases for the rest of my life with extensive medication and equipment, but I can report with joy that I will be alive with this work left to pursue and the ability to live up to my hopes as an advocate, friend, sister, and daughter. That is more than most people can ask for. Untreated, my conditions would have worsened and could have lead to early death, which I am trying to avoid at all costs. Just grateful to be here and checking in with my dear MCRmy friends again. I have thought of you often even in my silence and missed your unconditional caring.
My cat Bowie died in 2016, after being adopted in January 2011 during the height of Danger Days era. I re-homed a cat, who was already named Mick, into my life in 2018 and it was the best decision I have ever made. Both of my kitties had me dancing in the street with joy! My life is so full and I am incredibly grateful for all my darling family and close friends who have supported me through both victories and chronic illness. I am currently in remission on some conditions, but have to take alot of medications each day to help my body function similar to the average person. It can be hard to balance, but it is worth it and has given me a peace that I have never known before. There will always be ups and downs, but I have the personal and professional tools and skills to roll along with the waves instead of fighting it or being tossed about below the surface. This is largely due to my journey with meditation and mindfulness practice starting in 2016. After study and further involvement in a local zen Buddhist temple, I made the decision to formally take the precepts to become a Buddhist. It is a journey of ever-evolving adjustment and exploration. Peace and enlightenment are not static states and it takes alot of focus to simply be aware of the present moment. But, that's what helps me in my personal life and social work. It is all about finding the calm in the middle of the storm, sitting there, accepting the storm as it is with no desire to change it... and then finding peace in the middle of the raging storm that is within your mind. Sorry for the rambling. It's one of those things if it doesn't make sense to you it sounds absurd, but if you have taken a few breaths to really observe your world, it starts to come together. It takes years of these moments, but it is worth it to me and is the journey I hope to continue for the rest of my life. I am also still an avid concertgoer and that remains the same. Thanks for listening. Wishing you all the best in your day and this life ❤️