Welcome to Channel 7. Today, our featured segment is all about a new product that many are talking about. Reviews are mixed, but up to 67% of people who have interacted with this product are 50% satisfied*! You won't get that kind of result anywhere else, folks. What is this intriguing device that we're talking about? Without further ado, let's bring out "Brinn"!
The "Brinn" enters and is seated on a chair. It looks nervous.
Here to tell you all about the features of this product is a favorite host of ours, Ashley, a spokeswoman trusted for her wiseness (and fabulosity):
"Hello ladies and gentlemen! My name is Ashley, and this is the new "Brinn"! She'll make any room look more awesome as she comes complete with a free shiny boa set. The "New" Brinn is a complete upgrade from the last model, she no longer short circuits and will engage in intellectual conversations, or if you're a bit immature like me, she'll join in on innuendo jokes so call now and you can buy one get one free! PS, She also comes with a top hat and also a monocle, if that isn't enough reason to buy her, well, then... you suck!"
And there you have it, folks! The "Brinn" is a must-have for every human being, and intergalactic beings as well.**
Call or click today to get yours, and you'll be the envy of all your friends!***
©Spencer & Co., Ltd.
All rights reserved
*50% is an estimation made by the producers of this product
**Purchase of this product by citizens of other planets automatically voids the warranty
***Not guaranteed; producers are not responsible for the actions of this product after purchase and delivery